When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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