Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
