So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
