sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
