I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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