If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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