my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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