Swine flu. Run for my life!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
