From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize