HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
