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• (916): View more from California

  put your butt on the phone this is a booty call

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• (518): View more from New York

  haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (510): View more from California

  Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.

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• (805): View more from California

  I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (563): View more from Iowa

  I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.

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• (555): View more from

  After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."

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