Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?