Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
