How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Congratulations! We have a period
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
