Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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