I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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