I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
