I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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