she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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