he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
