im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
