I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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