No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
