I got chris browned last night
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
