i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
