my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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