i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
