Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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