I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
