i need an iv and a liver transplant
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
