OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
