I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
