He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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