walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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