youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So many bounce houses so little time
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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