Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
