Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
