I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
