I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
