just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I believe in your delicious
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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