dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
