So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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