apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
