your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
