oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Lo siento on account of my penis...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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