so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
