Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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