no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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