it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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