dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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