He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He passed out mid-signature
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
