somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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