so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
