I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize