I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
