i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
