She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
