I wannas sexs uuuuu
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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