Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
