The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
